Day Three Free Writing
A lot of my friends say that I should be happy that my little one is starting school. “What am I going to do with my free time”? “Cry” I say. A lot of our friends have grand babies at this point in their lives. Our little one will be finishing high school at the same time my husband retires.
I think it might feel different for a younger Mom to send her last one off to school. I’m guessing..since I’m kind of NOT a “younger” mom. It throws me on many levels. The first being that I want to spend every second that I can with my kids. I was the girl that thought she would never have kids. I used to joke with my friend that “kids smell worse than hound dogs”. I even had two doctors (silly doctors) tell me that I wouldn’t. Then, I became a mom 15 years ago, then again 12 years ago..and blessed with two more into my 40’s. Now that having babies at home is almost over for me, I am pulled to thinking about my own mortality. I didn’t think about this stuff with my other kids. I think I was too busy. I felt like any mom running around the park. I feel like I’m almost in a panic to be healthy…and that stress is very bad for you. I should let the stress drive me to get onto the treadmill more often, but instead I usually let it keep me up at night wishing that I was a marathon runner.
So, what do I do now? Most careers start when a woman is a bit younger…not that I’m old..I’m not saying that..I’m just not fresh out of college ready to start a career that would require long hours. I need the kind of job that will keep me free when the kids are on school break. I need the kind that will let me call in if I have a sick child. How do career women do it? I don’t have any up family here and it’s pretty much in the middle of no where. There is just so little here that I can’t even imagine much of a choice. If I did want to go back to teaching, there are 500 applications for one job and my license were for different states. It’s not an easy paper obstacle. My degrees hang on my wall and I just look at them and curse how much they have cost.
I worry about this stuff sometimes and get stuck in a loop. I have to remind myself that I need to just stop thinking about it. So, on that note…I’ll just stop.